Do you guys remember when you were little and you would get hurt? A scrape, and scratch and everything in between? You would go to mom or grandma, and they would give you a band-aid and it would make it all go away. Do you ever wish you could go back to life being that simple to fix. A simple little piece of plastic and guaze, to make all the hurts disappear.
As we go through life, we often wish that was still a possible cure. A fix for everything. Kind of like duct tape. OOOH, maybe that would work? I joke, but I am serious. These last 6 months have been a roller coaster of highs and lows. More lows than highs, but I have faith that it will soon turn around.
I have entered a new stage in life. Made some new friends, got a place of my own. I am basically trying to prove to myself that nothing can bring me down. But my heart can. It puts me in such unusual situations sometimes. I am unable to fix the hurts. I put a simple band-aid on it by doing things to distract me. Unfortunately it really is only temporary. Sooner or later you need to face the pain head on, and let it flow through you. If you dont, it will build up until it breaks you down. I dont have time to be broken. So I have chosen to rip the band-aid off and deal with the pain. I need to really feel the loss before I can start to heal, and move forward. I was stuck in what ifs, but I need to be here, and present. I need to show my boys that it is OK to feel the pain. You think you have allowed yourself to move on, but really you were using simple band-aids to distract you.
I have learned that distractions only last so long before they start to wear down, and the pain sets back in. We do it unintentionally, but it happens. People sometimes feed on that distracted energy. They make you feel guilty for those feelings, and then to shove them down deeper. I have no tolerance for that anymore. I am done being controlled by my distractions. I will rip the band-aid off, and let the pain take me for a bit, so that I can know when I am truly healing. Some people will be upset, but I have to put myself first, so I can give my boys the real me.
A Womans View on Life 